Pissed at Myself...
I need to rant about myself and maybe I can find peace by realizing how ridiculous I am being. I have a good job, I have my own home and car, family, friends, money in the bank, and only minor health issues but I am so grouchy sometimes. Stupid things that are really none of my business piss me off. For instance, there is a girl at work that is working on her masters degree so she only comes in 2 days a week. I don't pay her salary or wages and don't have anything to do with how many hours she puts in (or doesn't) and yet it infuriates me that when she does come in, she comes in around 11:30, logs into her computer, and goes to lunch with other employees for sometimes as much as 2 hours. When she gets back from lunch she logs back in and walks around talking and BS'ing with anyone that will listen to her. There have been days that it seems she did nothing but socialize and go home. She also has to leave everyday around 3 to go pick up her kid and then she comes back at 3:30 only to "work" an hour and go home.
I know that the key to happiness is gratefulness and I am grateful for all the good things in my life but sometimes I am just so frustrated and depressed, it doesn't feel like my life is all that great. I think about the struggle I had raising my daughter and all the crappy jobs I had before now where I couldn't leave and pick her up from school or take her to girl scouts or an after school activity. I feel like she missed out on a lot growing up because I didn't have the opportunities that are available to me now like occassionally working from home if I had a repair man coming or something like that. I realize a lot of that was because I screwed up and had her at 18 before I was in a good position to have a child. I also realize that my frustration with this person at work is probably jealousy but it doesn't make me feel any less frustrated or depressed.
So there's my novel to go with the rest. I am sure some of you will tell me how bad others have it, or how I should just shut the hell up and be grateful, but I have been telling myself that for a while and it doesn't seem to help. I am not looking for answers, but you are welcome to answer me. I just thought if I wrote it down, I could get over it and the other things in my life that bother me.
Now a list of things I am grateful for that didn't always have growing up:
I can pay the utility bill and the mortgage
I can pay my phone bill
I can buy any kind of food I want at the store and don't have to eat government cheese (hahaha but true)
I can help my daughter go to school buy paying for it
I don't have to buy my clothes at the thrift store or wear hand me down's
I can take a vacation (but rarley do because I am afraid of spending money and becoming poor again someday)
IBF!!!!
- Grow up..and appreciate what you have.